Why we can
by Acajou Amarth
Summary: After 'Damage Case', Derek is struck with a case of amnesia and completely ignores his wife. He'd much rather flirt with Dr Grey... MerDer, Addex. Long-promised epic.
1. Prologue  Don't get to call me a whore

Working title:** Why we can't hate Dr McDreamy**

**Derek has amnesia after calling Mer a whore and ignores his wife now. He prefers flirting with Dr Grey. Funny. Very, very funny. Seriously. Sometimes a little angsty, but more in the usual MerDer way. I'm hardly dealing with the seriousness of a concussion and I sure as hell can't promise any of my medical things are correct. If you want a really great hyper-angsty fic that deals with that, I highly recommend 'Lightning strikes twice'. **

**Rating: T, because there will be sex. I mean, they're Mer and Der. How are they supposed to not have sex? And the others are horny, too. It's not my fault sex is all they ever think about.**

**Pairings: MerDer mostly, but also Dizzie, MarkZoe and tons of Addex, with a very small touch of O'Callie and Bang. Mentioning Lexzie, Addek and Maddison. **

**General stuff: Flashbacks are in italics. Also in italics: special emphasis. Sometimes I write a summary for the following chapters and I ramble a lot. **

**Disclaimer: Of course I own Grey's. I'm the reason this freaking TV Show is that brilliant. And I also own McDreamy, Alex and McSteamy, which is why I just had a really hot shower with all three of them. Jealous? Hell, I wish I could say you got a reason to, but I don't own Grey's and I don't have hot showers with McDreamy, Alex and McSteamy. It's sad. Really. At least I own my OC, Zoe. That's a start, right? I think I'll just go from there. **

**Warning! This was supposed to be a simple little fanfic thingy and kind of expanded. I have absolutely no control over it. Right now it counts about 171 pages and I'm not even half done. So if you start reading, be aware of the fact that you won't stop for a very long time. **

**A/N: Yes, this is my long-promised epic. I started writing this when season 3 was on TV, so it was a while back. If I wrote it now, I'd have to change several pairings, because I'm a big fan of Mark/Lexie and Owen/Cristina now. But this will have to do. This is the story that has all my heart and soul, so… Well, it's certainly my longest and the one I spent the most time with. I hope you like it. **

**Addex fans, don't be scared away by the MerDer, MerDer fans, don't be scared away by the Addex. Also, the prologue? A lot more serious than most of the other chapters. Don't be scared away by that either. But it's not all just fun and fluff. Whatever. Just read. It's a good story. :)**

**Original A/N: I was writing on "Before any of the rest of it" when this little idea popped into my mind and when I started writing I couldn't stop. Most of it was created during class, but the teachers are already used to me not paying attention, so I didn't get into trouble. I personally think it's great, there are some good ideas in it and of course it's very funny. We got a very pissed Mer, a friendly Addison, everybody else and a hot and flirty Der who keeps hitting on Mer. Seriously, it can't get much better than this. I mean, it's MerDer. And it's funny. And the other characters are fun, too, and we have some other couples towards the end. Oh, and in my fanfic – which takes place directly after 'Damage Case' – there is no crazy person who goes and shoots people, so Burke doesn't get shot. Plus, Denny gets the heart without Izzie having to cut the LVAD vire. And – just in case you wonder – he'll survive. I could never kill Denny in one of my funny fanfictions. Actually I couldn't kill him at all. So this will contain some Dizzie. And pretty full-blown Addex at the end, because I really love them. Also there will be a new character, Zoe, introduced and Mark will show up (because I couldn't imagine Grey's without that manwhore extraordinaire and his inappropriate comments), so we'll have another hook-up. Enough with the rambling. HAVE FUN, ENJOY AND REVIEW!**

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><p><em><strong>Prologue – You don't get to call me a whore<strong>_

[Meredith's POV]

I was having a bad day. Actually I'd thought this would be a good day. It had started out pretty well. This morning had been fun. Having Dr Callie Torres, the Ortho-resident, walking into the bathroom with only panties on, then peeing and then walking out again had been amusing. Especially Izzie's reaction.

"_Ew! She didn't even wash her hands!"_

What had actually been good about it, was the fact that George had managed to get himself a really great girl who'd hopefully make him feel good enough to finally get over this horrible thing that had happened between us. I was kind of proud of him.

When I'd tried talking to Derek in the morning, things hadn't been so good anymore. I had been doing my best ignoring our kind of painful, really horribly awkward encounter at Finn's place, you know, the one when I'd been practically half-naked, wet-haired and in Finn's shirt. I had hoped he could look past it, so I did what I usually did, talked to him the way I always talked to him these days. We were friends, after all, and he had no right to hate me for taking a shower in our vet's apartment His cold response, his entire behavior towards me the rest of the morning had quickly shaken me out of my most happy place of denial.

Him yelling at me for losing my patient, who had wandered off to watch the surgery the others did on that pregnant woman he'd crashed into, then completely ignoring me while explaining things to Marshall (that was the name of the guy) had been the last straw. I needed to talk to him.

I hurried after him as soon as he'd exited the room and caught up with him in the stairwell.

"I never should have told you about George!", I exclaimed, referring to the fact that I'd slept with one of my best friends and had been stupid enough to talk to the ex about it. He turned around, giving me another cold glance.

"No, it's fine. I'm glad I know. About him. And the vet. You really get around."

While talking, he mostly didn't even bother looking at me, he was busy checking things in his blackberry. Still, or maybe especially because of that, the words stung. He'd practically called me a whore.

"What did you just say to me?", I asked, now seriously pissed, going upstairs to him. I couldn't believe this. He wasn't seriously acting like this, was he?

"It's unforgivable.", he added, now finally putting the blackberry in his pocket.

"I don't remember ever asking you to forgive me.", I stated, finally having caught up with him, ignoring that my eyes felt as if they were full of salty water once again. I didn't even know what kind of tears they were. I was hurt, a lot. But I was also angry and frustrated. Mostly angry. No, actually as angry as hurt. And I was hurt a lot.

"So was the knitting a phase?", he went on, "Who's next? Alex? Because I hear he likes to sleep around. You two have that in common."

I hated him for the look he was giving me now. He actually seemed triumphant about his last statement, as if he thought he had a point. Now, he'd really called me a whore. Yeah, right now, at that moment in time, I hated him. I hated him for all the crap he'd ever done to me. I hated him for not letting me go, even though he'd officially done that almost a year ago. I hated him, because I wanted to move on so bad it made me knit a sweater and he just wouldn't let me.

He was about to turn around and walk away, when I roughly grabbed his arm and made him face me. I had to say them. The words that were eating me up alive inside. My voice was shaking, in both, anger and pain, but I said them.

"You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the guys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done."

It felt good. Throwing all that stuff at him, everything I hated him for, or at least tried to hate him for, making him listen to it, making him realize he'd actually hurt me felt good. Then again, it broke me all over again. I voiced it. For the first time I said it out loud. That I had considered him the love of my life. And that it was his fault I was so broken at least _trying_ to fix myself had taken a year.

"You left me. You chose Addison. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore.", I ended my speech. My eyes were more than just wet, but at least I didn't have tears running down my cheeks. That would kind of take the anger out of everything I had said. And I was angry. As angry as I was hurt. I was hurt a lot. So much, it made it hard to breathe.

For a moment he actually looked hurt. He looked as if he wanted to mend things between us. He looked as if he wanted to cry. Only for a brief moment. When it had passed, the stone wall was back. There had been a time when there was no such thing as any kind of barrier between us. Yeah, once upon a time. I watched him swallow, then nod to himself, looking down first, then back at me.

"This thing with us is finished. It's over."

Looking into the eyes I had loved so much while he was saying that broke me all over again.

"Finally.", I said. All my heart was on that one word. Shattered, but grateful. Had it really taken us a year after he'd broken up with me to end it for good? The constant heart-ache, the hope that was followed closely by more pain, it was done _now_? Finally. Finally I could move on. Finally, I was over him. Finally, I didn't feel as if I had to wait for him. Finally, I was free again, free to do whatever I wanted with my life. Finally. Yet, somehow it tasted bitter.

"Yeah, it's done.", he said, turning around to walk up the rest of the stairs.

"It is done.", I repeated.

There was nothing more I could do than to watch the person I'd considered the love of my life walk away. I stood there for a moment, fighting with myself. I didn't want to cry. I refused to cry. Yet, when I felt okay enough to descend the stairs again, I exhaled a shuddering breath, while drawing my hair back, running it out of my face with my hand. My pace quickened until I reached an empty on-call room. I yanked the door open, pulled it shut behind me, locked it, and then, when I was finally alone in the dark, knowing noone would see me, noone would find me here, then I broke down and cried.

The last time I had felt this bad and actually let it go, had been about my mother. I had freaked out about her maybe dying alone. Worse was, that I hadn't been alone with my pain that day, not like I was now. Derek had followed me into that linen closet back then, even though he'd had no right to do that, since we'd already been apart for a while. But somehow, for some sick and twisted reason Karma seemed to have come up with, he'd been there and he'd told me I was going to be okay. I'd been hyperventilating, half-sobbing, and the only thing that had managed to calm me back down had been holding his hand. Laying my head on his shoulder, actually sharing intimate physical contact for the first (and only) time since he'd chosen his wife over me. Emotionally close. We'd been emotionally close in that closet. Now, he wasn't going to follow me in here. He wouldn't hold me until things seemed a little better this time. And without him there to mend me, I was alone with everything I'd refused to acknowledge. The frustration. The disappointment. The pain. The knowledge that there wasn't anything I could do. The anger. Mostly anger. I was full of anger.

"_You can't just abandon her!"_, I'd yelled in that OR, watching Bonnie die. I had been Bonnie. I had died that day. Me and her, we hadn't had a chance.

I cried the tears that I hadn't really been able to shed when Derek had broken up with me. I'd always bit them back. They had been there, yes, but I'd always told myself he wasn't worth shedding tears over. That I'd just been stupid, believing this thing we'd had had actually meant something. That I was stronger than that. Now, that things were ultimately over between us, that the last pathetic shred of hope I'd been foolish enough to still have kept in my heart was gone, now I couldn't help but think to myself I finally had a right to let them go. Get them out of my system, get _him_ out of my system so I could start again.

I was hurt. I was broken. I was angry.

Yes, if something happened again, something that could possibly maybe make me fall for him again, I wouldn't forgive him. I'd do my best at least telling myself I was better than that. There was no chance in hell he'd be given another shot.

After ten minutes I was ready to go back to work. I left the dark room behind.

Not that he wanted a new chance.


	2. We'll probably need him to stay alive

**Disclaimer: Since when is Grey's mine? Oh yeah! Since NEVER!**

**A/N: Sorry that took so long... Thanks to all of you who have reviewed, alerted or favorited this story after only one chapter! I hope you won't be disappointed! :)**

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><p>[Cristina's POV]<p>

**We'll probably need him to stay alive**

The nazi had paged me to the pit along with Bambi and Meredith (who hadn't arrived yet). Mer was apparently having a bad day, since she made a face as if she was smelling crap. Typical. I'd have to listen to her ramble later. It was always me. Every time another McGuyProblem occurred, I had to be around so that she could whine to someone. Not that I was complaining. It was fun, most of the time, because then I could laugh at her and comment. Maybe she'd cry someday.

Anyway, the ambulances finally pulled in. Nice, bloody car crash victims. Since they'd obviously called for surgeons, there might be an operation or two available. I was thinking something along the lines of a tear in an aorta or maybe another impalement?

"About 40 years old John Doe, blunt head trauma. He's stable, but unconscious.", the girl paramedic said. It was the one who had bitched at me when I was looking for that severed leg. I gave her a glare, but then went to focus on the patient. Blunt head trauma. That's mean neurosurgery. No open heart procedures. Pity.

Wait. Did I know that hair from somewhere?

"Oh my god, that's McDreamy!", Bambi squealed, "And I did not just call him that..."

"What?", I asked, but of course, he was right. No other guy had that much hair on his head.

"What do we got?"

"Look!"

"Oh my god... What's wrong with him?"

"Car accident. He should be fine, but we don't know whether there's any brain damage yet."

"Brain damage? He's a brain surgeon! How can he have brain damage?"

"Mer, you're rambling."

"Of course she's rambling, it's freaking McDreamy who's on that gurney!"

"Someone should page Addison."

"What? Why should you want to get McWife down here?"

"She needs to know that her husband might need brain surgery."

"What's going on with you, Mer?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, that means something's going on with you. Spill!"

"There is nothing going on."

"So is."

"No, there isn't."

"Okay. Meredith, this thing you're doing, with the avoiding and the denial? Not working with me. Now you either want to tell me what he did to you this time or you stop the pouting. It looks ridiculous, by the way."

She hesitated for as second, but when she did open her mouth to tell me, she looked angry. Anger was good. Anger meant a good story.

"He called me a whore."

That _was_ a good story.

"WHAT?"

"He called me a whore.", she repeated, "He saw me at Finn's place when he brought Doc there and I'd just taken a shower. He spent the whole day shouting at me about professional stuff and didn't say what's wrong. When I asked what's going on, he called me a whore."

"McJackass!", I swore, hating McExDreamy immediately. Not that I'd liked him a lot before this, but at least I hadn't wanted to rip his balls off and nail them to the bulletin board. Not all the time, anyway. I had in the beginning, after his wife had shown up and he'd left Mer's sorry ass. Noone got to hurt my person and survive it.

"That's what I said.", she muttered.

"Literally?"

"Well, no. But I made it perfectly clear he had no right to speak to me like that or to judge me for my love life"

Urgh. Weak. I should have known she didn't have the guts to injure anyone seriously. He deserved it, though. I kind of felt bad for her. Yeah. I. Cristina Yang. I felt bad for my person. She might be annoying and whiny and unable to move on, but she was my person and she deserved better than some McJackass who CALLED HER A WHORE, for fuck's sake!

"I would have kicked his ass.", I stated.

"I know. Someone paged Dr Montgomery-Shepherd yet?"

"You really want to have McWife take care of this?"

"Derek's none of my business anymore."

That was when Bailey appeared out of nowhere, yelling at Mer as she ran by.

"Grey, you're on this case!"

"What? No!"

The nazi turned around on her heels and sent my person a death glare. Oh yeah, that was the Bailey we all knew and loved. She hadn't been like that for a while. The baby had made her all soft, even though she'd told us again and again and again it wasn't that way. Now, it seemed, she was finally back to torture us. I wasn't exactly sure whether that was a good thing, but I still grinned at Mer evilly when she yelled:

"No complains, Grey! Stop whining! Hey, I don't care about your limbo, all I want you to do is your job! Get him into CT and make sure he'll be okay!"

I saw Mer cave. She always caved. Seriously, if she didn't start standing up for what she wanted she'd never make it.

"We'll probably need him to stay alive. He's a brain surgeon, how can he be so brainless?", Bailey muttered as she turned to walk towards the second ambulance, which Barbie had just exited with the unconscious driver of the other car.

"That's what I said.", Meredith pouted. Probably not the wisest choice ever, since Bailey heard her and yelled, indignant:

"Why are you still standing there? Move!"

Then she went off to make Izzie's life hell, leaving Mer standing there, all desperate. I almost had to laugh at her.

"This is a nightmare!", she said, totally whiny, of course. Something told me this was going to be a tequila night for her. Then again, almost every night was a tequila night for her. It was this thing that she did. She got drunk and slept with inappropriate men. Why she didn't stop that after the mess she'd gotten in by sleeping with this inappropriate man, I didn't know. Oh, yeah. Right. She had stopped. She was celibate now. Funny. That wasn't going to last long. First of all, she wasn't made for being celibate and second of all... Well, McDreamy was McDreamy even though he was a McJackass now. They were certainly angry enough at each other for a hot frustration fuck. Meredith Grey? Celibate? Hell, no.

"Enjoy.", I said. Okay, now I did have to laugh at her. That probably wasn't very nice, but I was Cristina, after all. Laughing at Meredith and her McProblems was my job. She was my person.

"And page Addison Shepherd!", Bailey shouted in Mer's direction while she rolled driver guy's gurney through the doors of SGH. I laughed more.

"Sure...", I heard her mutter, still in angry shock as she went to get McDreamy (or was it McJackass now?) into CT.

God, I loved the fact that she was so freaking screwed.


	3. What about his hair?

**Disclaimer: How can you even ask me whether _'Grey's_ freakin'_ Anatomy'_ is mine?**

**A/N: Gosh, I am so sorry for making you wait. I had honestly forgotten all about having to update this. That's the downside to publishing something you wrote years ago. Should have just published it right then. Again, sorry.  
>In this chapter, I pulled off a lot of medical nonsense. :P I hope you can forgive me for that. Enjoy!<strong>

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><p>[Meredith's POV]<p>

**What about his hair?**

This day was hell. Not exaggerating, it really was hell. First the CT guy had annoyed me.

"_Hey, isn't that Derek Shepherd?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_What happened?"_

"_Car accident."_

"_You're Meredith Grey, aren't you?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Who let you work on his case?"_

"_Bailey."_

"_But you're his ex-girlfriend."_

"_Apparently I've always been a whore."_

"_Where's his wife?"_

"_Not here yet."_

"_Why isn't she here yet?"_

"_Surgery."_

"_And you are here." _

"_Obviously."_

"_Are you okay with this?"_

"_No."_

"_..."_

"_..."_

"_You guys still call him McDreamy?"_

"_No."_

"_What do you call him then?"_

"_McJackass."_

_"Why?"_

"_None of your business."_

"_McJackass as in McDumpedMeForHisWife?"_

"_No, McJackass as in !"_

"_He called you a whore?"_

"_Yes."_

"_That's mean."_

"_Yes."_

"_Are you?"_

"_Seriously?"_

"_Sorry."_

"_Don't dare gossip about that."_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_I already had the entire hospital gossiping about me three times. When I started dating McJackass, when my mother was admitted and when McJackass dumped me. I don't need that right now."_

"_You seriously want me not to make bets?"_

"_Yes."_

"_That's mean."_

"_I'm not going to beg, I'm just saying. I don't beg."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because the last man I begged to do something for me decided to end up breaking me by staying with his wife and calling me a whore when I started dating someone new. And now he might have brain damage. My point is, you don't want me to beg you to keep this to yourself."_

"_You didn't manipulate the brakes or something, did you?"_

"_Seriously?"_

"_This is going to be hard."_

"_Thanks. Crap! Page neuro! Now!"_

And now, here I was. Derek had a blood clot in his brain – the irony of that would be funny if I wasn't so desperately trying not to care. I was one of the many doctors standing around my ex-boyfriend's hospital bed, trying to listen to what the neuro guy was saying. (Un-)Fortunately I was unable to focus on what he was rambling on and on and on about, since I was too busy refusing to worry about him. Which was unprofessional, but whatever. I was made at him after all.

"There are two options.", neuro guy was saying something that I didn't really hear, "Either he has the surgery and there is the danger of long-term or even constant memory loss, or he waits until the small clot resolves itself. The only negative aspect would be a period of amnesia until the clot is gone, but chances are extremely good he'll get his memory fully back in no time. You're his wife and he is in no shape to decide. What do you want us to do?"

"He'll have the surgery."

Huh? What had he just said? Derek? Surgery? BRAIN SURGERY? _Performed_ on him? Performed _on _him? Performed on _him_? The words just spilled out before I was able to hold them back.

"What? What about his hair?"

"We'd have to shave it off.", neuro guy said with a disapproving frown as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Obviously, he didn't get my point. Because I did have a point.

"You can't shave it off! It's the hair! McDreamy without the hair is like McDreamy without the McDreamy smile, you know, the one with the freaking head tilt! My point is, you can't shave his hair off. I mean, just look at it."

"Grey-...", Addison cut in, but I simply turned to her.

"I am sorry, but he'd never want that. This is not a necessary procedure. And he'd probably kill you if he found out you destroyed his perfect hair for no good reason."

McWife looked at me for a while with that famous quirked eyebrow of hers, then smirked for a tiny moment and told neuro guy:

"She has a point. He won't have the surgery."

And just like that, reality was back. I pulled Cristina – who was looking at me with a superiour and amused sneer (as always) – out of the room and hissed with a hint of panic in my voice:

"I just totally embarrassed myself, didn't I?"

"Yes.", was my person's dry answer.

"Crap."

"You called him McDreamy."

"They wouldn't have understood if I'd called him McJackass."

"You're really not falling for him again? Still pissed? Not feeling sorry for him and his McProblems?"

Nope, I wasn't. I was fine with this. I could handle him. I'd just be professional and then go home, get drunk and hate him. I was not sorry for him. He could have died, but he hadn't and I didn't feel sorry for him. There was nothing going on between him and me anymore. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I had Finn now. Finn was a good person. I liked Finn. I was really trying here to be happy. No, Derek didn't bother me anymore. Yup, denial was a bright and shiny place.

"I'm not. He called me a whore.", I stated.

"Good. You do get that Bailey will make you his doctor."

Oh, no, no, no, no! Bad idea! I couldn't deal with him like _that_! As a patient who I'd actually have to talk to and interact with and look at and-...

"What? Why would she do that?", I asked, half in anger, half in horror. I could not do this.

"Torture. She's the freaking nazi. She likes watching you suffer.", Cristina chuckled in her unhelpful way. Great. Seriously.

"I can't be his doctor.", I exclaimed, "One day I'll just snap and kill him."

Which was probably true. Or jump him, drag him into an on-call room and do all the things I was longing to do with him again, until my brain kicked in (and that did have a tendency to push every single bit of knowledge and doubt into a very far corner if it thought about Derek Shepherd) and told me he was a married jackass who only happened to look amazing. And even then it'd probably be rather difficult to dismount and walk away. It was more likely I'd ignore my brain and have my naughty way with him. Which was a bad though. Enticing, but bad.

"And he's not even surgical. What have you done to her?", my person sneered.

"No idea.", I sighed.

I was already lost in thought, trying hard to get the mental image of playing doctor out of my mind, when a voice that was unfortunately still haunting my sleep and turning even the best dream into the nightmare that was reality, startled me.

"Dr Grey, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Good luck.", Cristina laughed, shooting me a half-mocking, half-sympathetic look before walking away, leaving me alone with McWife.

"Thanks...", I muttered, then turned to face Addison. I didn't know what I was supposed to be expecting. Was she going to kick my ass about the hair remark? She should be grateful I had reminded her. If he'd found out she was the reason that someone had chopped off his hair, he'd probably have divorced her right away. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Crap! I had not just thought that!

"I heard you're on his case.", she finally said, after a few seconds of awkward silence and painful internal ramblings.

"I am. If you don't want me on it, I'll suggest you try to make Bailey stop being the nazi. I'd be grateful."

"You don't want to be on his case."

"I don't want to be on his case.", I repeated, full heartedly. Yeah, there were definitely things that I'd rather do. Enemas, for example Or rectals. I'd even be happy to be on scut all that. Everything was better than to have to deal with Derek, who I was still really angry at, by the way. I just kept forgetting.

"Why do you not want to be on his case?"

"He's not even surgical."

I could see that she didn't believe me. Crap, what was I? An open book everyone could read in? The horrible truth was: Probably. Yes, it was very likely I wasn't too hard to understand. Which was bad. Sad. And pathetic.

"What happened?"

"Nothing happened."

"You guys were friends, or at least you pretended you were friends and now you sound angry. What did he do?"

I ignored the 'pretending' part and avoided her question by shrugging and saying:

"I'm just having a bad day."

Which was true, but also definitely not the answer to her question. She seemed to notice that, because she stated:

"You won't tell me."

"There's nothing to tell.", I denied, "I just can't handle McJackass right now."

Crap, had I just called him McJackass in front of his wife? That didn't exactly sound like I was over him. And I was. I so was. Seriously! Not lying! Not lying at all. There was no denial! I was over him. Wasn't I?

"Uh... What I'm trying to say is: If you should stay on his case, tell me if any of his memory comes back."

No. Oh no. Hell no. This could not be happening. Karma didn't hate me that much. There was no way in hell I'd have to be an amnesic Derek's doctor. He'd probably totally ignore me and keep telling Addison how amazing she was. Or the other way round, which would probably be better for my ego, but make things one hell of a lot less easy for me (with the natural difficulties to resist him that I had). And I wasn't quite sure whether I could handle either possibility.

"Memory? Why do-..."

"What's up, Grey, did you not listen to Dr Wenk? He'll have no idea who he is for a while.", Addison confirmed my nightmarish suspicions.

"Amnesia!", I exclaimed, now truly losing the rest of my nerves, "For how long?"

Damn, if I'd have listened correctly, I'd have let them do the craniotomy, not one thought wasted on how people (including him and me) might take the image of him without the hair.

"We don't know that yet. Did you not hear anything in there?"

Urgh. There she was again. Satan (minus the salmon scrubs, though). McWife. Intimidating as always. However, I was somehow too shocked and unhappy about the current events to feel like nothing compared to her this time (like I usually did, all the time).

"So, I'm supposed to handle McJackass with no memory?", I checked again, horrified.

"Yes."

"Crap.", I muttered.

"Sure you're okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine."

"Okay. I'll leave then, still got a surgery. He'll wake up in about half an hour. And Meredith? Thanks for reminding me of his hair. He's really not Derek without it."

"You welcome."

Damn the guy. Damn the smile. Damn the hair. I couldn't handle him. But apparently I had no other choice but to try. Resisting him, that was. I wanted to be angry at him and part of me still was, but an entirely different huge part of me was more concerned about us ending in bed together and committing some hot adultery than me strangling him. His neck was too thick and my hands were too small. Tiny and ineffectual. If that wasn't ironic...


End file.
